Don’t Let This Job Harden You…
This is the greatest job on the planet! Really, who could argue with me? We get to bust down doors, break a bunch of shit, SLAY THE DRAGON, and walk away with one suspender strap hanging off our shoulder and sooted face, looking like the hero high school football star who just saved the season, while the media snaps action shots. Show of hands, how many of you know “that guy,” who swiped his dirty glove over his cheek real fast before he turned the corner towards the media?
We all know there is so much more to the job than this. It’s much more than fires and dirty wrecks. The ugly part of the job is having to go to people's worst day, every single shift. While this bad day is typically once in a lifetime for the general public, it is a perpetual occurrence for us, many many times over. We leave one person’s worst day, just to go to another person's worst day, over and over and so on. It’s this kind of thing that changes us. The continuous “frequent flyers,”or the pesky constant callers for silly reasons can really create deep rooted irritation and anger. Pulling metal pieces of a car away from the body, so we can remove it, and 10 minutes later transporting a general weakness, elderly patient who really just needed a friendly face. Bagging up the body FINALLY found from the river, and then trying to reheat your cold dinner plate you left. Working your ass off on chest compressions and getting that IO position perfect, only to have to call time of death and notify the crying wife, then trying to lay in bed later, scrolling Facebook and see a wife posting mean things about how tired she is of her husband being in her way at the house during COVID quarantine.
As I rounded my 20 years in the service, I found myself always saying, “I hate who this job has made me. I hate how cold and hard I have become.” It wasn’t always that way. I didn’t even realize, for many years, how it had changed me. I had a boyfriend at the time who said to me, one time that we were on the phone, while on shift, “you’re different when you are at work. You’re always on edge, and cold.” I remember, thinking back now, how closed off I was to this suggestion. Like, fully rolling my eyes at the idea. Totally not receptive to his input. Now however, I realize how accurate that was. How much I value that honesty. The honesty that no one else would give me, and the honesty I see now as sadly true.
Listen… if you’ve got the vacation time to burn, TAKE IT. Learn how to do self care, kiss your spouse more, put your phone down and play that game with your kid, agree to that meet up with your friends. Most of all, take a step outside your body for a moment and look in. Check yourself. Don’t let this job harden you. Don’t allow it to consume your soul and change your entire makeup. This is a job. It comes and it goes. Love your career, but shut it down at the doorstep to your family. Don’t allow your feeling of obligation for dedication to your organization to drive a stake in your marriage. Lean on those who reach out, but more importantly, be receptive to the concerns about your behavior coming from loved ones. As much as we think we have it all under control, we can’t save it all!
“Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place.”