The Jealous Spouse
Ah the jealous spouse... this is one of the things you have to deal with as a female firefighter. Yet no one prepares you for it.
It is an unfortunate and touchy subject... but its a real thing. Let me tell you a story. I have never been partnered with a female. I have never even worked at a department that had another female. We ran 2-man stations were I was at the time. My partner occasionally shared with me vaguely, that his wife hated that he worked with a girl. I always rolled my eyes and shrugged it off. I had no reason to feel concerned by this as this was MY job, and clearly a problem within their relationship. I had never met the woman. So, one day, we were driving in an apparatus over to our Central station for some supplies. She calls. I’m not paying attention to much, as I am driving, until his demeanor changed. He says to her, “Yes it’s HER,” “yes, we are together.” “Yes, we have to go there, its Central, we need supplies.” , “No, because we are always 2 people, we don’t have more staffing. I cant just get out of the truck, we are driving.” It made me realize how real her problem was, and it honestly made me angry. Like, who the hell is this lady to make me feel this way. I hadn’t done anything wrong and this was a personal problem with them. Boy it made me angry, this was MY JOB. One that I had been in for 8 years before this guy even came along and got partnered with me. The following shift he requested a station change. Which honestly, made me more angry because it almost looked like there was something more going on. What is most interesting is that, years later, people still talk about it. While its more of a mockery and all in good fun, it still bothers me deep down, knowing full well I had never done anything inappropriate or even remotely close for this woman to feel this way.
I have heard of this type of thing before with husbands as well. I didn’t have this experience however, some men struggle with insecurities within themselves, their relationship, and the simple fact that we spend a third of our lives with these other men. The men we depend on, we call our brothers, the ones we complain about our spouses to, the ones we give advice to, the ones we are crouched shoulder to shoulder with in a flashover, fighting an intoxicated patient with. We create a certain bond of camaraderie that can be intimidating to even the most confident person.
The most important thing about being a female in the fire service is staying true to yourself. You will run into jealousies of all sorts. This is not for you to shoulder. Don’t take anything personally. Nothing other people do is because of you. It’s because of themselves. Keep you chin up, nose to the grindstone, and always wear an invisible crown.
“The woman who does not require validation from anyone is the most feared individual on the planet.” - Mohadesha Najumi